LONDON- After the latest in a series of setbacks for his Brexit plans in Parliament, a frustrated Prime Minister Boris Johnson has sought help from hardened veterans of the most brutal, terrifying, take-no-prisoners type of contract negotiations: vacation timeshares.
“I was up all night, trying several phrases on Google, as one does,” said Johnson. “Get me out of this, for instance, but that only sent me to divorce and bankruptcy lawyers. Hard blokes, but pikers compared to the vicious EU animals that have their claws in me.”
The Prime minister went on, “Then I tried contract escape, exit from deal, sweet lord, don’t let my kids be dragged down by this, and so on, until I happened across these chaps calling themselves TimeshareEscape.com. I thought, Aha! That’s the ticket!”
Johnson filled out the form for a free consultation, listing Name of Timeshare as “European Union” and describing his plight in detail.
“Naturally, I told them I’d been trying to get out of this spot of bother for years, and no one on the other side will listen to reason,” said Johnson.
Asked how he felt now about the prospects for Brexit, the clearly haggard, sweat-soaked Prime minister stated, “Well, the testimonials on the website are certainly encouraging. One couple called Sam and Barbara from Santa Fe seemed to be in my exact situation if you replace ‘European Union’ with ‘Summer Winds of Daytona Beach.”
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This report was contributed by The Petty Prophet’s intrepid correspondent-at-large Jason Anderson. Jason is currently reporting on behaviors of the primitive, adorable little people on a quaint island called Great Britain. He is the creator of the blog The Cynical Christian, a contributor to The Federalist, and author of the book Zero-Budget Christmas: The Almost Entirely True Story of Our Quest to Do Our Christmas Shopping Without Spending Any Money.
