WASHINGTON, DC — Experts are sharing concerns with the Department of Education, urging them to place serious restrictions on homeschooling after a disturbing study was released. According to the study, children educated by their parents are 5 million billion percent more likely to identify with their biological gender than their public-school educated counterparts.
“What we are seeing is that when Mom and Dad are responsible for the education of their children, it leads to a woeful lack of transgender representation in the world of homeschooling,” said Ximly DuFizzrillyx, who is a noted expert on gender issues. “Home-schooled kindergartners are not even not being taught how to cross-dress or use birth control, it’s literally insane!”
The interviewer was about to ask Ximly another question but accidentally misgendered DuFizzrillyx, causing Ximly to transform into a fire-breathing flying lizard and torch the entire studio.
In response to this troubling data, Nancy Pelosi has appointed AOC to lead a committee to investigate homeschooling and “like, totally get to the bottom of it.” Policymakers are suggesting all homeschooling families be required to be re-educated until we see more transgender representation in their community.
Ximly was called as an expert witness to the first committee hearing, which was unfortunately cut short after ze transformed into a 100-foot-tall radioactive squid and destroyed the Capitol Building.
