WASHINGTON, DC- To appease the billions of people around the world eagerly anticipating the next democratic debate, The DNC has issued a press release regarding the subject matter the next week’s televised event.
“We have decided to forgo conversation around policy and skip right to the good stuff.” Said DNC Chairman Tom Perez. “We are going to ask the candidates for their bold and innovative strategies for inflicting swift and painful revenge on Trump and all the evil racists who voted for him. It’s what the base wants.”
The Petty Prophet has reached out to frontrunner campaigns for a sneak peek on these strategies. Biden’s team has floated traditional approaches such as inquisitions, crusades, or disarmament. Elizabeth Warren is currently planning to introduce a plan to round up all the evil red-hat MAGA people and force them onto reservations, scalping all who resist. Kamala’s team is looking at everything from compulsory abortion, to the mass incarceration of all conservatives caught with flavored vape juice.
The Bernie Sanders campaign has decided to play it safe, forgoing all the exciting solutions posed by the other frontrunners. “We think regular Socialism alone will probably do the trick,” they told our reporters.
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