WESTERVILLE OH- Hazmat teams were called to Otterbein University this morning after atmospheric detectors picked up dangerously high levels of snobby moral superiority in the air following the Democratic debate. Sources say that these dangerous emissions were left over by 11 Democrat gasbags and Tulsi Gabbard who took the stage on Tuesday.
Otterbein Dean of Safety issued a notice to students that classes would be canceled and the campus evacuated as a precaution.
“We understand that sanctimony is an important natural resource that powers most of the systems and people on this campus,” he said. “but levels this high in the air have been shown to be too dangerous to breathe.”
The CDC has confirmed that sanctimony is the leading cause of moral blindness, intellectual paralysis, and running for political office. Official CDC sources recommend limiting exposure to just one presidential debate or James Comey tweet per month.
Media cameras on campus captured flocks of tenured political science and gender studies professors gathered at the site, furiously breathing in clouds of the murky green sanctimony before being escorted off campus by hazmat teams.
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