After the extremely divisive The Last Jedi, Disney execs have been frantically working on new ways to drum up enthusiasm from apathetic and disillusioned fans for the final film in the trilogy: The Rise of Skywalker.
This time, it looks like Disney is ready to deliver, and a collective shriek of excitement made waves across the galaxy from millions of fanboys everywhere. Disney has announced that Rey will be acquiring an awesome new force power never before seen in the Star Wars universe: the power to do everything a man can do.
“After Rey went from 0 to more-powerful-than-master-Yoda in the span of an afternoon, we were worried that we had painted ourselves into a corner with Rey’s force powers,” said director J.J. Abrams. “Boy, were we wrong.”
Kathleen Kennedy elaborated in an exclusive interview with The Petty Prophet. “We have seen Rey control people’s minds, lift boulders with the force and master a lightsaber two seconds after picking it up, but can she tell Dad jokes while grilling a mean burger? Can she neglect proper foot hygiene for an entire decade while still remaining a respected member of society? Can she work happily in a 60-degree office environment? Can she memorize the entire history of Middle Earth lore while forgetting her kids’ birthdays? Our third installment will explore these questions and take force powers to a place we have never seen them before on the big screen,” she said.
Unfortunately, fanboy excitement was quickly diminished when Kennedy revealed that this new force power would involve Rey using the force to change her gender at will. A million fanboy voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
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