FT WAYNE, IN – A local father was seen in Fountains of Grace Bookstore this morning with his 12-year-old daughter, looking for some kind of acceptable Christian alternative that sounds kinda’ like Billie Eilish, sources say.
“My daughter loves Billie Eilish,” said Jacob McAndy while frantically looking through the “Female Artist” section of the CD isle. “But I just don’t feel comfortable with her listening to lyrics like “my Lucifer is lonely” and “good girls go to hell.” “yeesh…” he said quietly before visibly shuddering. “There’s something wrong with that young lady.”
According to friends of Jacob’s daughter Bella, she already has the Toby Mac album that sounds kinda’ like Maroon 5 and the Lauren Daigle album that sounds kinda’ like Adele.
Unfortunately, the pair left the store empty-handed since there is as of yet no Christian artists that sound like Billie Eilish. According to the National Counsel of Christian Worship Music (NCCWM), Eilish’s sound has been deemed far too edgy to be duplicated by Christian artists right now. Counsel President Will Waters has advised artists and worship leaders to wait 4-5 years for the edge to wear off a little bit first.
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