U.S. — In response to growing skepticism around the accuracy of scientific computer models, experts have helpfully released a study citing a new computer model which shows computer models are always correct, 100% of the time.
“We experts have been using computer models to predict inescapable death and destruction for decades now,” said Dorf Sjöberghenrikssonhåkansson, a noted expert from some Scandinavian country where people are probably really smart. “We know that some conspiracy theorists would question our methodology, but we are happy to announce that this new computer model has finally laid these misconceptions to rest.”
Current computer models are predicting the destruction of the earth from global warming as early as 3 years ago, and 28 Billion dead from the Coronavirus unless we shut down the US economy until after the presidential election. Thanks to this new computer model verifying the complete infallibility of computer models, we now know for certain that we are all dead.
In related news, a survey of experts has concluded that experts are always right, and tend to be the most good-looking and popular in school. All who disagree are racist and probably don’t believe in science.
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