RALEIGH, NC – Stunning. Heroic. Powerful. Brave. These words and more are being used to describe Dinkly Darbleshmuk, a local coffee shop owner in downtown Raleigh. In a courageous show of support for oppressed minorities across the country, Mr. Darbleshmuk smashed all the windows to his own shop with a brick and allowed looters to make off with all his equipment.
“Listen, it’s just stuff,” Dinkly later tweeted. “I am white, and I cannot begin to understand the pain and suffering of oppressed minorities in this country. Destroying my shop is the least I can do to make up for my whiteness.”
Sources reported that several Black Lives Matter supporters attempted to form a human chain around the shop to protect it. Undeterred, Mr. Darbleshmuk fought through all of them with a wooden club and a can of pepper spray. Once he had subdued all the peaceful protesters, he laid waste to his own shop in a beautiful display of social justice.
White liberals around the country are holding up this shop owner as a model for the way forward to a place of greater equity and justice. When reached for comment, Mr. Darbleshmuk declined an interview, since he was too busy counting the money from a massive insurance payout.
