Washington DC- In a brief talk with the press outside the Whitehouse yesterday, the commander in chief announced his intention to meet Hurricane season head-on with a series of brutal tariffs.
“Frankly, and I mean this honestly, these hurricanes have been coming across our borders and wreaking havoc on our people for far too long, ok?” Trump said. “We are being taken advantage of. I say, no more! No more! It’s time you had a president who stands up to Mother Nature with fire and fury to protect this great country. And it might as well be me, because I know how to do it. Better than anybody else, probably.”
Trump complained that since his “loser Defense Secretary” would not let him nuke these hurricanes at will, and after acting Homeland Security Secretary McAleenan rebuffed his request for a wall along the Florida coast, a Tariff would be the next best option for containing the destructive force of this season’s hurricanes.
Anonymous sources say they overheard Trump telling staff, “I’ve never met any problem that could not be solved by either nukes or tariffs.” The same sources say Trump is floating the idea of also imposing tariffs on terrorism, highway potholes, and Whitehouse whistleblowers.
Click Here to check out all the funny stuff!
