WASHINGTON, DC – On the heels of revelations that Trump has abandoned his initiative to ban delicious vape flavors, new reports from the Whitehouse reveal possible motives behind Trump’s reversal. The Petty Prophet’s DC correspondent snapped the above picture featuring Trump hiding behind a tree in the White House rose garden while his wife Melania looks on sternly. Trump is holding a strange golden device and appears to be enveloped by sweet-smelling nicotine vapor.
“Yeah, the president started vaping a couple weeks ago,” says an anonymous source. “The whole impeachment thing has been getting to him, so this is a way to help him with the stress.”
There are rumors that the President’s preferred vape juice flavors are “Hamburger,” “Fruity Pebbles,” and “Chuck Schumer Tears.”
Sources say First Lady Melania Trump is not happy with her husband’s newfound habit. According to informants within Melania’s inner circle, vaping may be the last straw as far as she is concerned. She reportedly told one of her assistants, “I have stuck with my husband through everything, but not this. I cannot be seen with a guy who vapes.”
While lovers of freedom see Trump’s policy reversal as a win for liberty, many were shocked to see Trump’s new look, complete with colorful flat-brimmed cap, forearm tattoos, and ear tunnels. The Petty Prophet reached out to the President for comment but were told that Trump is currently too busy watching anime to speak to the press right now.
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