WASHINGTON, DC- Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez proposed using the One Ring to combat global climate change, anonymous whistleblower claims.
According to the source, Representative Cortez was recently summoned to a secret council put together by the U.N. to answer the threat of climate change. During the meeting, the attendees put forth many ideas, including bombing Russia and curbing population growth by “eating the babies.”
Upon the realization that there will be no more babies to eat in a few years with climate activists refusing to have children, the council erupted into a chorus of bickering. Cortez then stood up and addressed the group. “Yeah, no, so… I think there are a lot of solutions we can pursue. But has anyone suggested using Isildur’s Bane? Why not use this ring?”
At the suggestion, the group fell silent as the congresswoman gestured toward the representative from
New Zealand, who appeared to be twiddling a small, golden-colored object between his fingers. “If you would but lend me the ring,” Cortez began, and she stepped toward him. Apparently unnerved, the representative winced, as if in pain. “Why do you recoil? I’ll, like, totally give it back when I’m done,” the congresswoman went on before being escorted back to her seat by the representative from the U.K.
According to the source, Cortez may have mumbled something about the U.S. not having a king under her breath as she sat down.
This essay was re-posted with permission from Andrew Haack’s blog. Andrew is a spirit-filled sage of great wisdom and a world-renown purveyor of good news and bad jokes. You can find his work on his blog or follow him on Twitter!
