KABUL – After 18 years of running around the mountains shooting at each other for some reason, the US and the Taliban have agreed to switch to a less lethal, and way more fun form of weaponry: NERF guns.
“We’ve been there so long, we’re honestly not quite sure what we’re fighting about at this point,” said Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. “Something about them harboring Osama-bin-somebody… the details are a little murky. Most of the fighters were in diapers when we first started shooting at each other over there.”
Mohammed Ahmed Mohammed Mohammed, local tribal leader, shared his excitement over the newly signed agreement while speaking to our reporter and holding a massive, super-cool looking NERF rifle. “We love this new arrangement. These foam darts hurt way less and you can use them multiple times, Allah be praised.”
Mohammed’s interview was interrupted by a sudden ambush of Army Rangers who appeared out of nowhere with an arsenal of multicolored blasters. They charged Mohammed under a hail of foam darts while making “pew pew pew!” sounds. Mohammed said “Oh you got me!” and they all fell to the ground in uncontrollable laughter. After a lively game of nerf war, they all went to Mohammed’s house to smoke hookah and play Nintendo.
The Secretary of State expressed gratitude that we can continue to spend billions on a war in Afghanistan, but in a much less lethal way.
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