ISS – Quarantined Mission Specialist Kurt Johnson was thrilled to hear the news this week that after an undisclosed amount of time in quarantine, he will finally be allowed to go back inside the International Space Station.
According to sources, it started with an innocent sneeze. As M.S. Johnson was performing routine maintenance on some of the systems, he got a tickle in his nose and let out a small sneeze. Studies show that sneezes are approximately 12.7 times grosser in a zero-G environment. The other crew members turned and looked in horror to see Kurt floating in a cloud of fine mucus droplets.
“Considering the real danger we face up here from Coronavirus, we knew we had to take every precaution,” said Commander Ralph Donglefritz. “We couldn’t confirm whether our Mission Specialist had COVID-19, so in an abundance of caution we elected to tie him to a robotic arm outside the space station for a few weeks.”
Mr. Johnson has been outside in isolation for a long time and is looking forward to reuniting with his friends inside the space station. “I’ve enjoyed the time in silence, just staring at our beautiful planet in isolation, but I’m eager for human interaction, as well as greater protection from solar radiation,” he said.
Commander Donglefritz made clear that while Johnson will be allowed back in the space station, there will still be a “new normal” the entire crew will have to get used to. Johnson will be required to wear a space helmet on his head at all times and will be strapped to a bunk covered in blankets for the duration of the trip.
